


A Stumble, a Leap, and the Feelings We Should Not Keep

by Roadside_Wildflower



Category: Castle
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Developing Relationship, F/F, Future Fic, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 08:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17443718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roadside_Wildflower/pseuds/Roadside_Wildflower
Summary: Alexis is still in love with her. It's been two years since the funeral. It's been two years since she last saw Kate Beckett, but she can't seem to let go of her unrequited love, even though she knows that she desperately needs to. Alexis is a writer now, like her father was, and she's nearly finished with her second novel, but she can't get the ending to feel right. If she sees her again, will she be able to finish it? Will she be able to put her feelings to rest, as the character in her novel also must?





	A Stumble, a Leap, and the Feelings We Should Not Keep

Why couldn’t she get that damn woman out of her mind?

It had been two years, two long years, since she had last seen her. She had been wearing all black, but Alexis still hadn’t been able to stop herself from noticing how beautiful she looked, standing beneath the graveyard willows, engagement ring still shining on her finger.

Alexis sighed and ran her hands through her tangled hair, trying to recollect herself and her thoughts. She needed to finish this last chapter in the next few days. The publisher had already given her an extension once, and she didn’t have the clout or reputation that her father had once had, so she knew that she couldn’t ask for another. She took another sip of her whiskey, before setting the empty glass back down on the desk her father had always used. It should be easy. She already knew how it ended; the heroine had to move forwards positively, after having already come to terms with the futility of her feelings of romance towards her stepfather. But writers write best when things are drawn from their own experience, and Alexis hadn’t quite figured out herself how best to move forward. She perched her fingers over the laptop keyboard, ready to give it another try.

She had begun writing shortly after her father’s death simply as a way to honor his legacy by finishing the novel he had been working on. She hadn’t ever seen herself as a writer, but it had felt cathartic, so she had continued writing since. It was the closest she could get to having him back, by her side, and as she wrote, it was easy to imagine that his voice was reading the words out to her as she typed them. This was her second novel; her debut novel had received some small critical acclaim, but it hadn’t sold particularly well, so she needed this one to pick up more traction.

Sighing in defeat, Alexis leaned back in her chair. It just wouldn’t come to her, no matter how hard she tried. Idly, she scrolled through the contacts of her phone, even though she knew that there was nobody in particular that she wanted to speak with. Well, nobody except for _her_ , but she didn’t have the courage to speak with her. She had spent the last two years ignoring the occasional text or call sent her way, until finally, they stopped pattering in, like droplets from a water faucet after it had been twisted shut.

Alexis had learned the hard way that all men were good for to her was a quick fuck. She had tried dating, again and again, only to end each relationship with nothing in her heart but increasingly bitter feelings towards romance. She had tried her hand with women too, and although it was better, both physically and emotionally, when she was with them her thoughts couldn’t help but drift towards the one woman she knew she couldn’t have.

Alexis picked up the well-worn letter on her desk. It was short, only three sentences, but she had read those three sentences again and again until they had been burned into her brain.

_Hey, I really loved your book. I thought it felt really real, on a level most literature never seems to reach. Call me when you get the chance, I’d love to talk!_

Alexis had never called her.

She couldn’t.

What she felt was unhealthy, and it needed to stop.

But it just wouldn’t.

***

Sunlight shafted down into her bottle-green eyes in the most unpleasant way. With a moan and a groan and a beating head, Alexis powered on her phone as she rubbed exhaustion from her eyes. A message was there from an unknown number.

_Hey Alexis! This is Ryan. Kate gave me your number! I was talking with her yesterday and you came up in the conversation and I thought you might like to come to the baby shower today! Jenny and I are going to have another child! It’s at 2PM. If you can come I’ll send you the address. Thanks!_

Alexis looked at the time. It was already 11. There was no way she was going to go, right? She looked down at her laptop, and though the screen was asleep, she knew the frustration lurking just behind it on the half-empty document she needed to finish. Maybe this was for the best, she could see some old faces and get out of the house for a little while. She didn’t go out too often anymore.

But _she_ might be there. And there was no way she was going to see her, no way at all. But. Maybe that was exactly what she needed to do. Her book was roughly based upon her own experience, anyways, so maybe she needed to face her too, before she could write about how her character moved forward. Alexis was well-adjusted. She had a life. She could do this. She had to do this. For the novel, of course.

_Ryan! It’s great to hear from you. I’ll be there, where is it?_

Alexis sent the message, and stood up a little too quick. There was no going back now.

***

Alexis breathed in deeply, standing in front of the door. She was late. Only by five minutes, two of which had been spent standing in front of the door, but she was still late. Maybe it would be better for her to just go home. Was she really that much of a coward though? Summoning her resolve, she knocked on the door, gently, half-hoping that no one would hear with the festivities inside. But sure enough, a few moments later, a totally happy and not-dying-on-the-inside Esposito opened the door, his carefully constructed mask melting away into a look of surprise.

“Castle,” he said, giving her a weary smile. “Ryan said you were planning on coming, but you haven’t talked to any of us since the funeral, so I didn’t think you’d actually show.”

“Thanks,” she said, giving him an exasperated look. “Still bitter from all that unrequited love I see.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“Yup, seems like not much has changed,” Alexis remarked plainly, thinking back to the conversation she had once shared with Esposito years ago. She had asked him if he had feelings for Ryan, and after he admitted it, she had in turn confessed her own hidden feelings.

“Well come on in and put on your best face for everyone. Hope you’ve written yourself an excuse for your lack of contact,” he said, stepping out of the door frame.

“Don’t worry, I’m not half bad at making shit up, I've even made a career out of it now” she replied, stepping into the house. Across the room, Ryan and the rest of the precinct were huddled on the couches, sharing in the excitement. Alexis recognized _her_ as well, sitting with her back facing the door. As Alexis approached the laughing crowd, Ryan flicked his eyes up and called out to her.

“Great to see you, Alexis,” he said, an innocently happy expression on his face. “It’s been forever.”

“It has,” she replied, walking over. “Sorry about that, it’s just been tough you know, with everything that’s happened, and I needed some space to figure myself out.”

“No worries,” he said, waving it off. Alexis handed him the small gift she had brought, and moved over towards where Esposito was motioning for her to sit.

“Hey!” a dozen different voices she didn’t care to hear called out to her.

“Hey, Alexis,” a different, cool voice crooned to her. “It’s great to see you again.”

Alexis gave Kate a small smile, and she looked carefully into the other woman’s face. There was nothing there but motherly warmth, as always, with a bit of confusion and concern thrown in as well. “Great seeing you again too,” she choked out, slightly less composed than she had hoped for. Hastily, she sat down by Esposito, and watched as the baby shower went on. Alexis had never been to one, and she quickly realized she was glad she wouldn’t ever have a child, because at least then she wouldn’t have to go through the annoyance of hosting one of these. After a pained half-hour of avoiding Kate’s occasional glances towards her, the shower ended, and the guests broke for snacks in the kitchen. Alexis stayed sitting, while Esposito stood. The two watched as Kate made her way over.

“Do you want me here or away?” he asked, looking down at Alexis.

“Go ahead and grab some food, I need to talk to her myself.”

“Okay,” he said, walking away.

Kate walked up to her cautiously, a tentative smile on her face. “Hey,” she began, “how are you doing, Alexis? Working on another novel?”

“Yeah,” the younger woman replied, giving her a nervous smile. “I’m almost done actually. I’m just having trouble with the ending.”

“Well maybe I can help you talk through it.” Kate paused, looking around. “Do you want to go outside, on the balcony, maybe?”

“That’d be nice.”

The two walked through the sliding glass doors and out onto the balcony. Alexis leaned against the railing, looking out over the quiet street below, and a moment later Kate joined her. The two remained silent, except for the occasional sips of coffee Kate took from the mug in hand.

“You never responded to any of my messages, I was really worried about you,” Kate said softly, breaking the silence.

Alexis stayed silent a moment longer, before shrugging her shoulders. “It was just hard. With dad being gone and all.”

“I missed him too, terribly back then. Still do. We could have kept each other company,” Kate said, a twinge of frustration bleeding into her voice. “I’ll admit that it was a little upsetting when you responded to Ryan right away, considering you’ve ghosted me for the better part of the last two years.”

Alexis stayed quiet, knowing that the other woman had every right to say what she was saying.

“Are you doing okay? I still worry about you, you know,” Kate continued, idly rubbing her bare ring finger. “I want you to know that even though I Richard and I never married, that- that I still think of you as a my kid in some ways, you know?”

Alexis gave the other woman a slightly pained looked. “It’s alright, Kate,” she said. “I’m doing well enough.”

“I guess that’s right, you’re a total adult now. Just feels odd to hear you call me that, instead of Beckett.”

“I never really thought of you as anything but Kate anyways,” Alexis said dryly, “so it’s nice to call you that, after all these years.”

The two remained silent for a long moment, neither really focused on the cityscape around them.

“So you’re a writer now.”

“Yeah.”

“You said you were struggling with the last chapter of the novel you’re working on right now?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s odd, I thought writers usually knew how their books were going to end before they began.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not being very helpful, am I?” Kate said, sighing. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I was actually kind of hoping that maybe coming here would help me figure things out,” Alexis replied, giving the woman a small smile. “See, the story is- well, it’s kinda about some of the same stuff that I’ve felt before, but the problem is, things never resolved for me as cleanly as it’s supposed to in a novel, so I don’t know how to write the ending authentically while having it still wrap up cleanly and happily.”

“What if… you don’t end it cleanly? Life isn’t so neat, after all, and if you want your art to imitate life then maybe you should put some of that complexity of your own feelings in there.”

“Maybe,” Alexis said, sighing. “I’m just not sure if it’ll be a satisfying enough ending for the reader then.”

Kate shrugged. “In novels, what I crave- what I love- is when I get to experience life, love, and all of that, differently than I otherwise would ever get to. I enjoy having things shown to me from a new perspective. So if your novel does that, then I think it’ll be great.”

“I think I’ll do that then, and try to finish it up tonight,” Alexis said, giving her small smile while trying to ignore just how fast her heart was beating at the passion in the other woman’s words.

“Send me the rough draft of the story when you’re done, I’d love to read it.”

“Of course,” Alexis said, the words slipping from her mouth before her brain could stop her.

“And don’t you even try to think about ghosting me again,” Kate said with a wink. “You’ve got all day, so if you don’t get that rough draft sent to me by midnight, then I will march down to your place and demand to see it, and if you don’t let me in, maybe I’ll just have to get a warrant,” she said with a small laugh.

Alexis glanced to the side uncomfortably. Fuck. She had just admitted that the novel was in part based upon her own experiences. There was no way that Kate wouldn’t make the connection. What the fuck was she going to do?

“I’m going to go back to the party, okay?” Kate said, looking over at the younger woman. Alexis nodded, and Kate walked back inside.

What the fuck was she going to do?

***

It turns out, the only thing you can do is to keep pushing forward. To not do so, to quit, is to only delay in the inevitable.

_“Sometimes,” Ashley said, speaking softly to her stepfather, “it feels like my future, my happy ending, is across this terrible, deep, black chasm, and I have to walk on thinnest of tightropes in order to reach it. I have to take baby step after baby step, hoping that one day, just maybe, I’ll make it across. The slightest misstep though will send me spiraling into that abyss.”_

_“So,” the gruff man said slowly, choosing his words carefully, “what kind of misstep are you worried about taking?”_

_“I’m- I’m worried about this feeling, I’ve been having. I know I’m not supposed to have it. But I can’t help but feel that way.”_

_“We all struggle with things like that. It’s alright for you to admit and accept whatever you’re feeling though. You won’t go tumbling into any dark abyss. You have me,” he said warmly, rubbing his stepdaughter’s shoulder._

_“Really?”_

_“Really.”_

_The girl paused. “I’m in love with someone I shouldn’t be in love with, and I can’t put it behind me. Someone… like a father to me,” she said, blushing, unable to bring herself to say the words. The girl braced herself for his disgust, but he stayed there, by her side, hand still on her shoulder._

_“That’s… that’s alright. I understand,” he said. “We’ll get through this together, kiddo. I’m glad you trusted me enough to share that. I’m proud of you too, for coming to terms with the understanding that your feelings will always be unrequited. But that’s okay. It’s a lesson in love we all learn.”_

_The girl hugged the man who she loved so desperately, and he hugged her back. She knew things might be a little tough, or awkward from here on out, but she also knew that there was only one direction that she could go in life, and that was forward. Suddenly, the tightrope was beginning to feel a bit sturdier underneath her feet._

Alexis read over the page one last time, before hitting the little floppy drive icon. It wasn’t great, but it felt much more real than anything of the other endings she had tried. It was at least decent enough to send to her editor. And to Kate.

Before she could lose her nerve, she sent the last chapter to an email to her editor, and then another to Kate. What would she think of her, after she read that? Would she ever even write back to her?

***

It had taken three days for Kate to respond, and when she did, it had just been a simple request for dinner at Alexis’s place.

So, Alexis was left to sit in the kitchen alone, ready to receive her guest who should have arrived fifteen minutes ago. The baked macaroni in its oven-safe black container sat on the table, releasing steam into the air, and the quesadillas Alexis had made by hand sat pathetically on a plate. She hadn’t wanted to look like she was trying too hard, but still, she was disappointed with the end result. A sparkling white wine sat on the table, and even Alexis knew that it felt out of place with the rest of dinner. But it was too late to worry about that. Alexis tugged nervously on the sleeves of her sweater. Maybe Kate wasn’t going to show after all.

Finally, the doorbell rang, and a moment later Alexis was there to open. Kate’s head poked out, a plaid scarf wrapped around her neck to shield against the chilly spring night. Wordlessly, Alexis let her in, and walked back towards the kitchen.

“It’s just mac n’ cheese and quesadillas tonight, if that’s alright. I’ve got some wine too.”

“Sounds lovely,” Kate said awkwardly, joining Alexis at the table.

It was quiet as they ate, except for the occasional scrape of a fork or knife against the dinner plates, and it stayed quiet as they finished the meal. The two occasionally shot nervous glances at each other, and Alexis’s stomach rolled in discomfort as the woman she had been in love with since she was a teenager sat brooding on the other side of her dinner table.

“I already did the rest of the dishes, so there’s not really any cleanup,” Alexis said, rising to clear the remaining dishes off of the table. As she came back, she noticed that Kate had poured herself another glass of the wine, and that between the two of them, they had nearly finished off the bottle. “Well, I guess we were in the mood for a drink,” she said, sitting back down at the table with Kate. She took a sip of her own wine, and shot Kate an uncertain glance. “I don’t have any desert, so… I guess it’s time to talk. Why did you want to have dinner?”

“Did you…” Kate began, hesitantly. “Did you have a crush on me, when you were younger? I don’t want to sound presumptuous or anything, but you did say that your story was based at least partially on your own experience,” Kate said, giving her an anxious look.

Alexis blushed and looked down. She had already come this far, so there was no going back now. “I guess you could put it that way. But if I’m honest…”

“What is it?”

“I never got over my crush on you. I dated around with men and women, but none of them ever seemed to be good enough and when I was with them I couldn’t ever get you out of my mind, and it’s been two fucking years since I’ve last seen you but I still can’t get you out of my mind, I just- I’m sorry,” Alexis said, burying her head in her hands.

“Alexis,” Kate said firmly, “that’s… that’s alright. I understand. We’ll get through this together I’m glad you trusted me enough to share that.”

Alexis shot the other woman a hurt look. “Did you just quote that rough draft I sent you?”

Kate sighed and it was her turn to bury her face in her hands. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t know what to say, so I figured that’s what you wanted to hear.”

“I don’t want to- I don’t need to hear anything from you, okay?” Alexis said, anger tinging her voice. "I never even planned on telling you, anyways. I didn’t mean to tell you that about my rough draft, or for you to read it. It just happened.”

“Alexis, it’s okay-”

“No, don’t tell me it’s okay,” Alexis said, her voice raised. “I spent all those years, when I was younger, selfishly wishing that something would happen to split you and my father up. Not because I thought I had any chance with you. But because it hurt so fucking much to have to see you in love with some other person,” she continued, leaning over the table. “And I know it wasn’t only my fault, but can you imagine how guilty I felt when my father died in that car crash? Of all things, a car crash?”

“Alexis-”

“No,” she said sharply, holding her palm out. “Just let me say what I need to. I was texting dad, when he was driving that day. I was probably the reason he died. And that’s a shitty enough feeling. But to then have my darkest fantasy validated because of it? I was so disgusted with myself that I thought about suicide, Kate, I really did. But you know what the worst part of all of it was? Never for a moment did I stop feeling so fucking head over heels or so lustful for you. Even at your fiancé's, my father’s, funeral, I couldn’t help but look at you and wish you were mine. How fucked up is that?” Alexis finished, leaning back in her chair. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to share that with you. I never planned to. But you asked, so I needed you to know before you gave me whatever bullshit you were going to give me.”

Kate stared at her, her face drawn in sharp, intelligent lines, as if she were interrogating a suspect. “I’m sorry that you didn’t feel like you could confide that in me.”

“Would you have, if our positions were reversed?”

“No.”

“It’s alright, Kate. You haven’t done anything wrong,” Alexis said, sighing. “I just-”

“Hey,” Kate said, walking over to where Alexis was sitting. “How about we put on a movie? Something light. I want you in my life again, Alexis. And I guess now I know you never saw me as a maternal figure, and that’s alright, so how about as a friend? Can we do that?”

Alexis sighed and nodded, grateful for the other woman’s kindness. Things wouldn’t be normal between the two of them for a while, but maybe she could begin to put this all behind her. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

***

Her book was a success. Now, months from when she had penned the final chapter, Alexis could breathe a sigh of relief. It was done. She enjoyed writing, but she was afraid more than anything of receiving negative criticism of her work. Her novel may not have scraped the top of the New York Time’s Best Seller List, but it was high enough that it had her on cloud nine. A “beautiful, touching, heartfelt story of love, romantic and familial, as a young woman struggles to accept the impossible feelings that we all have,” one review had said. Alexis still didn’t feel as if it was particularly beautiful, but perhaps that was just because it was so close to home. She had hit the local press circuit already and had done a few readings at bookstores in New York, Philadelphia, and DC. It felt good to be wanted.

The young woman stared down at her phone. Kate was late again. It was surprising how such an otherwise punctual woman could be so bad at coming to her place on time. The popcorn was popped. The wine was poured. The movie was prepped. Even the couch was precisely arranged for maximum lounging enjoyment. All Alexis needed was her movie partner; after that first, awkward dinner, Kate had suggested that she come over every other weekend to watch a movie with her, and somehow, that had quickly morphed into every weekend.

Finally, the door swung open, and her guest walked in. Kate was looking as elegant as ever, with her sleek dark jeans and her simple black top.

“Oh, so just walking late and uninvited into my home now, are we?”

“I am very much invited, and I’m just a hair late,” Kate teased, settling down on the couch next to Alexis. “It was your turn to pick, right? So what are we watching?”

“It’s a comedy,” Alexis said, grinning, “a gay one. Haven’t seen it before, but someone said it was good so I thought we’d give it a go.” Last week, Kate had let it slip that she was bisexual. Alexis knew that she probably still had no interest in her, but, it couldn’t hurt to nudge her along.

“All right, let’s do it,” Kate said, picking up her wine glass. The movie began rolling, and soon enough, Alexis started to regret her choice of _But I’m a Cheerleader_. It was a little young for Kate, and the last thing Alexis needed to remind her of was the fact that she was much younger than her. But, Kate seemed into it and was laughing along with the film, so Alexis poured herself another glass of wine and relaxed a little.

As it often happened, the two women finished the popcorn and bottle of wine halfway through the film. Alexis put the wine glasses and popcorn bowl back in the kitchen, but when she came back, she faced a dilemma. She could go back to sitting on her side of the couch, like she always did, or… she could sit right up next to Kate, and maybe even lean her head on her shoulder. Heart pounding, she plopped down right next to the other woman and snuggled up against her. Alexis felt Kate’s body tense for a moment, but the other woman relaxed and wrapped her arm around her. Alexis’s heart began pounding, but Kate didn’t seem to notice. The rise and fall of Kate’s chest provided a soothing, even seductive, rhythm, and Alexis could help but feel her body tremble at how overwhelming it was to be this close to her. Kate’s hand began to slowly glide through Alexis’s long, red hair, and she felt herself melt into the other woman.

The female lead of the movie began voraciously making out with her love interest, and emboldened by the wine and proximity, Alexis let the question slip through her lips. “Do you like kissing men or women more?”

Kate laughed a little, and though Alexis felt a hint of hesitation, she answered the question. “I’m not sure, really. I’ve been out with a lot of men, but I’ve only dated one woman before, a long time ago in college, so I don’t really know.”

“For me,” Alexis boldly began, “I much prefer women. Men are just so… forceful, and besides. Women… they just feel better. I don’t know.”

“So you think you’ll only date women from here on out?”

“Probably. Maybe. We’ll see, I can’t really see myself dating right now,” Alexis said, pressing herself closer to the older woman.

“Too busy with writing?”

“No,” she whispered, heart pounding so loud that she was sure Kate could feel the vibrations in her skull.

“Why then?” Kate asked, her own heart rate picking up speed.

“Stupid question,” Alexis said, turning her body so that she was facing Kate.

“Alexis?”

Alexis put one hand on the arm of the couch, and another on top of the back of the couch, so that she was staring down directly at the woman she was still in love with.

“Alexis, I…” Kate began, clearly flustered.

Alexis lowered herself and placed her lips on Kate’s, her skin so hot that it felt like it might melt of at any moment. She kissed her, but the other woman’s lips were unmoving against her own. She broke away looked down at the usually fierce woman, who was now blushing a storm and trembling beneath her, and Alexis felt a thrilling jolt of electricity run through her spine. She moved to kiss her again, but Kate turned her face away.

“Alexis, I-”

“Oh my God,” Alexis whispered, interrupting Kate, as she tumbled off of the other woman. “I- I’m so sorry. I’m leaving,” she said, stumbling towards where her sandals were lying on the ground.

“No, Alexis, don't leave, I-” Kate began, sitting up.

“No, Kate. I can’t believe I just- Fuck,” she said, shaking her head, tears springing from her eyes. “Fuck,” she said one last time, ignoring Kate's repeated plea for her to stay, before the door slammed shut behind her.

What had she just done?

She hadn’t just done that, had she?

She wanted to go back, and undo that moment. She had to go back and undo it. How could she face what she had just done?

It was like in her book. She was on a tightrope, over an unknowable abyss. Except there was no future at the end of the rope. And she had just stepped off into the abyss.

***

New York city is a different place at night. Especially when you are a young, attractive woman walking alone on the street’s edge, and even more so when you have no phone or wallet. She could just sit here, at this street corner, and waste away, if she wanted to. She could be mugged, or raped, or killed, or picked up by some stranger, and at this point, she’d welcome it. She’d welcome anything that would let her feel anything at all except the guilt that was consuming her.

Kate had made no attempt to follow her, and that was probably for the best. There was nothing she could say to Kate now, to make up for what she had just done. She had just held down an intoxicated woman, on her couch, who she knew had no interest in her, and then forcibly kissed her. And then tried to do it again.

Alexis sat down on the curb, and gently touched the blister forming on her heel. She had walked so far that she didn’t know where she was anymore. At some point, she should head back, she knew, but not yet. She needed more time to herself.

***

It was 3 AM. It had been five hours since she left. Kate should’ve been gone by now, but she wasn’t. She lay there, comfortably curled up asleep on Alexis’s couch, as if nothing had happened.

Alexis sat down by the couch, feet burning from blisters. Her eyes shuttered closed and there was only one thing on her mind as sleep overtook her: what did it mean, that Kate was still here on her couch?

***

Alexis woke to the smell of fried eggs. Groggily, she stood up, and looked over to the kitchen. The women she loved stood over the stove, teasing the edge of a fried egg with her spatula.

“Morning, sleepy head,” Kate called out to her. “Hope you weren’t planning on going to church, because it’s nearly noon.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever been, so no loss,” she said, walking over to the kitchen.

“I would’ve cooked up some bacon or something too, but you didn’t have any.”

“I’m a vegetarian, have been for years,” Alexis replied, settling down at the table. As she did, the events of last night crashed down on her.

“Really? I didn’t realize, I-”

“Kate,” she said, interrupting the other woman, “why are you still here, after what I did to you last night?”

“What? Oh that?” she said, as if it was nothing of significance, “it was just a kiss. We both had the wine in us. It’s no big deal.”

“Yes, it is,” Alexis said, more forcefully. “I pinned you down and kissed you without your consent. That’s sexual assault. And now you’re in here cooking as if you were my mother.”

“It wasn’t sexual assault,” Kate said, bringing over two plates with two fried eggs each, “it was just a misunderstanding. And like I’ve said before, I don’t see myself as any sort of maternal figure to you anymore.”

“How was it not sexual assault?"

“I, um, well maybe it seemed that way from an outside perspective. In fact, had you been just about any other person in the world, I would've beaten your ass into the ground. But Alexis, I wanted you to kiss me, really,” she said, blushing.

“What?” Alexis said, her mouth open, egg nearly dropping out back onto her plate.

“I mean, it’s obvious you still had a crush on me, so when you snuggled so close to me, I figured you might kiss me. And I was okay with that. That's why I let you get so close, and that's why I wrapped my arm around you. I just didn’t expect your kiss to be so forceful, and though it surprised me initially, it’s not like I hated it or anything,” Kate said, her eyes fixed down at the eggs on her plate.

"But you moved your face away!”

“But you didn’t let me say what I was going to,” Kate said, looking intently at Alexis.

“You didn’t follow me when I left.”

“I was shocked when you left so suddenly, and by the time I made it out your door, you were already out of sight. And you didn't take your phone, so I couldn't call you,” she said, staring firmly into Alexis’s eyes, “I wanted to tell you that I… I just needed a little more time. Because the truth is, um, I do think you’re cute, and lovely, and someone I might be interested in,” the detective said, blushing fiercely. “It’s just hard for me, because I never thought I would think of you this way. And I almost married your late father, and I’m so much older than you, so it’s a little tough for me to wrap my head around it all,” she finished, looking back down at her plate.

Alexis looked at the woman carefully. Could it be true?

“Kiss me then,” the red head said, gazing at the woman before her. “Take back the kiss I stole from you.”

Without hesitation, Kate rose, walked over to where Alexis sat waiting, and put her hands on the back of the chair behind Alexis’s head. Alexis felt her body react, in far more ways than just a rapid heartbeat, as Kate Beckett leaned down over her, her fierce gaze looking intently down at her lips. Swooping down, the detective kissed Alexis, and Alexis pulled her down into her lap, reveling in the warmth and hardened curves that were now pressed against her. She kissed her back, more enthusiastically and passionately than she ever knew she could, and Alexis knew that she had found her future.

Things wouldn’t always be easy, moving forward. It would be a bit of an unconventional relationship, if everything worked out, and even the best relationships have their ups and downs. But for the first time since her father died, Alexis no longer felt like the protagonist of her novel; she no longer felt like she was teetering on a tightrope, on the brink of disaster. It turns out, sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and hope that the arms of a loving detective are there to catch you when you fall.

**Author's Note:**

> My second fanfic! Let me know if you liked it! Again, there wasn't much explicit romance. Personally, I prefer reading fanfic focused on the characters getting together, rather than reading about them interacting in an established relationship, so hopefully this was to your liking as well! Also, the title is kinda clunky this time. Any suggestions? Thanks for reading!


End file.
